Be the Grown up

Be the Grown-Up

My 17 year old daughter has a friend who's parents split up and she moved across the country with her Mom.  The girl, I'll call Charlie, comes to visit her father (and her friends!) once over spring break and sometimes once over the summer.   I know the relationship between father and daughter is not good and the divorce was hard on Charlie.

My daughter asked me if Charlie could stay with us if "the sh*t hit the fan" and of course she could, thinking to myself that wouldn't happen - she's visiting for less than a week's time only.  Who let's things escalate to the point of her storming out?  Well, halfway through our quiet Easter Sunday (happy Easter everyone) my daughter comes to find me because "the sh*t hit the fan" and another friend is driving her over right now.  My poor girl!   She looked so nervous - like what do I do now?  We make a bed, set an extra plate at the dinner table and keep conversations light in the house, they can talk it over in my daughters room behind closed doors.

That poor Charlie!  So you don't agree on anything - but was the father yelling?  Saying scary things?  Was he fighting with her like he used to with Charlies mother?  No physical violence, but a spousal argument is different than one with your child.  And she is a very intelligent almost grown child, Charlie has given TED Talks!  I am guessing it would be easy to have an grown up conversation, as I have in light chat, with her.  She's impressive.  So Dad, even if she's being more of a teenager than a TED Talk guest lecturer - aren't you the grown up?  Aren't you the one Dad, to put the train back on track and slow down the speed of the out of control train?  

I have a bench in my front yard - for me.  Sometimes I have put myself in time out.  It's what a parent has to do from time to time.  I am the grown-up, I need to stay in control.  Nothing worse than saying something you can't take back.  The Dad would be wise to be the bigger person and listen to what she is saying, not how she is saying it..

My 15 minutes of worry for a father - daughter relationship

Easter Basket Tip

Easter Basket Tip

Putting grass in your baskets?  Don't use that plastic stuff that takes years to get completely out of you house Make your own!

Empty your shredder of your bills and credit card offers and shred several pieces of green paper!

Even if you get a couple of worded white pieces mixed in, it still looks a ton better, you won't be untangling the grass from the vacuum cleaner months from now - because paper grass is recyclable!

So you are doing the environment a favor, your wallet a favor, and your vacuum cleaner too.

Better all the way around.

Now to find the chocolate bunnies I stashed earlier this month....

scant 15 mins

Hello Spring

Welcome back, spring.  Oh how we missed you!  I love the arrival of tiny green shoots around the first blooming crocus.  The warm sun is so welcoming, but I know you are still there cold air.  I can feel you trapped in my house, I can feel you in my bones.  Even with the sudden arrival of something so warm as this little flower

the spring cool air keeps me in my sweaters.  I have noticed people craving spring - my class needing and wanting to stay outside on the playground longer

the older classes needed their turn on the playground, fair is fair - so we had an egg hunt elsewhere!  Plastic Easter eggs with stickers inside - a lot of fun!  But even more so, look at what my teenager is trying to do in her room

Grow flowers from seeds!

She bought the pots, soil, and seeds all on her own.  I hope it works for her sake - look at that longing!  My husband is a little less patient for spring

Lovely.  I don't recall anyone rushing out and trying to force winter on our home!  Once the chill of winter has arrived, I wish for snow to be sure.  I am pretty sure you won't find me or anyone wishing it to be so cold you are uncomfortable even in hats and gloves.

Welcome spring with your warm sun and cool air - and all the hopeful renewal you bring with it.

15 minutes of spring thoughts.

What I admire about Leslie

Leslie

Leslie is my former young childhood education assistant to my being the lead teacher.  When hiring in my school, we always start by trying to hire from within the school families.  This was true of Leslie as I had three of her children as a part of my 2 Day 2 class.  Her boys being twins and our school is a co-op, we spent a lot of time together!This isn't my classroom, but it does resemble it a lot

We had a lead teacher slot open up that Leslie had applied for but wasn't hired for, even though she has spent the last year getting certified.  She did land a job in another school in town so of course, she accepted and left our nursery school.   I am happy for her and we get together for coffee every few months to catch up and for me to see how her first year teaching is going - I for one took a nap every day after school my first year!  And was sick four different times with a cold or flu before the middle of October!  Leslie's health is just fine, but her twin boys have both been diagnosed with dyslexia.  I know her, she probably took this very hard at first and sure enough, she felt guilty for not catching it herself.  The boys are 7 years old - this is the age when you realize there might be a problem as they are not reading.

So what I admire about Leslie is she admits to feeling guilty, but moves on.  Not by taking a step or two, oh no - by jumping the fastest moving train she can find!  She is going to cut out one of her two classes she was teaching - leaving her two days in nursery school - and going back to school to certify her to tutor, mentor, and assist children learning to read with dyslexia.  When you give this woman a problem, she has her devastation period (wholly admits to) but then she is studying to be the best at deflating the problem!  It's not as scary if you completely understand it.  She going not going to pretend that this someone else's job or that "the boys will be just fine on their own" She is going to become the expert in the field of language disabilities.  Leslie's older daughter has some spacial relation issues - don't just walk up to this girl upon meeting her and get/give a hug, as a two year old it made her freeze and tense.  Leslie had studied what the issue was and what would help her daughter the most.  Specialized gym time. Leslie works so hard on making sure that nothing is going to hold down her kids natural talents.Let them soar, Leslie!

15 minutes of admiration

Keep Your Germs to Yourself, Please

Keep your Germs to Yourself, Please

I know how good it feels to feel better after being sick.  It's wonderful to be alive, isn't it!  Great feeling, but friends, use a little judgement!

On my little street alone, I am lucky to have 5 other neighbors who have a senior graduating from high school this year!  These 5 kids have grown up together, and this is our last hurrah from the days when we used to have neighborhood pizza/cocktail parties.   So the parent(s) of these 5 got together last night for a planning party - we are going to have a block graduation party!  One parent brought BBQ for us to sample as that is what he is suggesting gets catered for the party.  Fine, several flavors and several salads, biscuits and cornbread.  It was one parents birthday so a cake arrived, I brought the wine.  Good times.  Three out of seven of us were sick!?   One of the parents missed worked for a week and half - I have never known her to miss work - she must have been really, really sick.  What are you doing here?   I would have been happy to postpone - graduation isn't until June.  It's March.  The coughing that was going on was louder than a car horn!    People repeatedly asked the hostess how she was feeling - she looked ill.  Her husband and I drank the wine and everyone else nursed cups of tea.  The planning worked out, I brought home a lot of leftovers from the BBQ joint that Doug suggested for my BBQ loving husband.  I swallowed vitamin C while he ate.  Like I said, feeling a bit better after being down and out for almost 2 weeks, I get it.  But I don't want to get it.   I was ready to down my wine and head home to my vitamin C after the birthday girl didn't want to blow out her candles so not to spread her germs over the food

She used her hand to blow out the flames.  Cake everyone?  I'll pass, thanks.

15 minutes of love to share the memories, but keep your ills at home.

The Land of Indecision

The Land of Indecision 

My daughter has been accepted into a college in Paris to study fashion design.  Great, so why am I waffling on this now?  My husband and I took to to Paris to visit the school, among others, so I knew I had already said yes to this, yet here I am holding back.

It's the land of indecision.  A place where you waddle around, not sure of what to do, when you really knew what to do all the time.  I found this place a long time ago when my mother suffered a stroke.  Although her cognitive abilities were just as sharp as ever, she lost a great deal of her speech, and most important, she lost the ability to swallow.  Due to my close location to hers I am in charge of her living will - where she has clearly stated 'do not resuscitate or hold on to her life by any artificial means'.  No feeding tube.  My siblings were not happy about this, and I was put in the position of being asked "so you are just going to let her die?"

I volunteered to drive my son's carpool both directions so I could sit by myself on the far end of a baseball field, and think.  Just before some rain clouds showed up, a dad came to pick up early.  He told me about a friend of his who at a young age developed cancer resulting in a stomach tube.  His friend hated the thing, even though it kept him alive, and one day had enough, yanked it out and died.  I thanked Bill for his story and how did he know to share that with me?  He had heard.  The rain clouds started to open up so Matthew and his teammate ran for the car and we started to drive home.  Matthew asked me about the Land of Indecision, you know he said, the one from that book his sister loves so much.  "The Phantom Tollbooth"  Yes, he said - but what does the Land of Indecision mean.  I said, "It's where you are stuck so you dwell and ponder about something you have to decided one way or another on - and you really know the right answer all along"  No lie - the minute I said that, the very second the fog cleared from my mind, the clouds parted and the beautiful setting springtime sun shone through!  It was magical.

When we got home I quickly asked my daughter for the "The Phantom Tollbooth" book and as she handed it over as I asked her about "The Land of Indecision" chapter.  She said there wasn't a "land of indecision" chapter and showed me the map in the front of the book of all the existing lands and areas in the book.  "Matthew!"  I called, and asked him what he was talking about in the car.  He said in a bored manner "I don't know, I guess I made it up or saw something on TV" and walked away.  Whoa.  I had a magical nudge or shove in the right direction.  

My siblings could get lawyers and court dates if they wanted, but my mother had an iron clad living will defending her wish to die.  Because she was still so present, I asked her if she wanted a stomach tube to prolong her life, she shook her head no.  Then she proceeded to give me accurate directions to the Hospice the doctor was directing us to!

And today's decision is, if you want to study fashion design, is it better to study in Chicago or Paris?

My fifteen minutes from the Land of Indecision.

Peoples Creative Impulses

Happy Hour!

My husband and I went out to a happy hour at a wonderful fish market restaurant "Black Salt" on MacArthur Blvd., in Washington, DC.  Martini's and oysters!  A great break in the middle of the week not to mention, Jeff Black's restaurants in this area are legendary.  What I love about this particular location is that the the restaurant front is really a fish market!  On your way to the bar/restaurant you pass fresh fish on ice that you can purchase to take home for a home cooked meal.  Lovely and so fresh!  On this particular occasion is that the fish monger had a little fun.  A large red snapper was on display not only because he is beautiful, but the fish man will clean it up for you if you want the whole fish.  But last night the fish man had put a smaller fish in the mouth of the snapper!  So cute, funny, and - quite true!  This little piece of creative Wimsey I think is in all of us - and I love to see it come out!  It was also reminder to me that even to a what seems to be a simple happy hour to alleviate a hard work week for me - always bring my camera a long!  So, I've penned a image of what I saw.  It doesn't do the actual image justice, but I love to draw - if your creative output makes you smile, why not?!

My fifteen celebrating the everyday creative.

Fear

Success is not final,
failure is not fatal;
It is the courage to continue that counts
~Winston Churchill

The human condition called fear is important - it can stop you from doing something dangerously stupid.  Don't poke the sleeping bear!  Sometimes I find it paralysing.  I really want to try my hand at an art quilt and submit in an upcoming show.  Yet, here it is, late in the afternoon - 2 hours before I need to be dressed to go out, and I haven't touched it.  I always have to remind myself - what's the worse that can happen?  I use the seam ripper like when conquering the Mariner's Compass Star master class quilt block.  I learn something but it isn't good enough for me to brave enough to enter the show - this year.  My husband wasn't happy with is LSAT results - is he too disappointed or too afraid to retake the law school test.

I am reminded of when

 I attended the National Portfolio Day held at the Corcoran School of Art.  The building was full of the bravest young people around!  Opening up their work and their hearts to critics from art school from across the country.  That was a room where everyone one was in the same boat, the students were so supportive of these like minded people they have only just met in line.  I took a deep breath and was exhilarated!

OK art quilt - here I come and I am ready to cut the fabric!  Friday.  I've got to teach my nursery school class tomorrow!  And get the supper ready before going to happy hour with my husband.  I am feeling braver already!  Let's learn this!

My 15 minutes on small but depleting fears.

Visas

Visas

I have had two experience's with obtaining a visa's for my college students.  The first speaks volumes of this generation of kids - instant.  Snap chat, google maps, texting, etc., so much in a instant.  Picking out a suitcase in the basement for my oldest to take for her semester abroad in London, I brought up the fact that she needs to get a purse that can hold her passport and visa securly but with easy access when entering the country.  "I should really get on that visa now, shouldn't I ?"  She was leaving in two weeks.  Her school advisor didn't advise her to get on that sooner than later over summer break.   Scramble, scramble, expedite, got it done.  

Now on the second try for my youngest to go to school in Paris.  We were advised over the summer while visiting Parson's Paris that we should start to work on the visa as soon as possible as they can take a long time.  I needed to wait to see if she gained admittance into any of the London and Paris schools she was apply too first - that makes sense doesn't it?  Well, she got into the Paris College of Art and this is where she'd like to study.  

The French Consulate grants visa appointments but once a month.  We went today - jsut to come home without filing the visa request!  We have to wait until 90 days prior to her travel.  Oh, now that they've said it, it makes sense.   they are not going to post date a visa.  So she'd have a visa that would expire in April - we can't have that!  The bad news is that 90 days before she should ship out in August (no worries, I am going too!) she will be in the middle of exams.

My first "emergency" visa experience isn't the way I like to get things done.  I like to get the important, the you're not going until it's done important things done and done.  At least the paper work is done!

15 minutes of two steps forward, one step back

High School Senior Attitude

High School Senior Attitude

Once my girls top college choice came in with a resounding yes - she has had a "up yours" kind of attitude towards everything.  With a smile on her face, but "what the f***k" on everything!  One of the top college fashion schools final due date was after her top choice came in - and she got her notice today that she was not accepted.  She didn't care!  While I am happy not have to mop her up off the floor, but her confession (not under duress) was upsetting.  

The final push on this particular schools application came when she was really busy she said, and it was true - but let's face it, she didn't try as hard since she got the school she wants.  Is it a grown up thing or a personality thing that one would work as hard as you can to see if you could win a spot at this top fashion school?

She dropped the ball, on purpose, and didn't care.  But she'll never know now.  Don't I know as a grown up that she'll wonder one day - what if I put my all in getting in there, would I have been accepted or rejected?

My 15 minutes as the grown up

When a Child Needs Assistance - or It's OK to Need Help

When a Child Needs Assistance

or

It's OK to Need Help

One of my student's this year has beautiful eyes, but doesn't make eye contact.  He's is so happy to be at school, but completely on his own terms.  He is very sweet, although he has never spoken to me ans has  the language of a 1 year old or younger.  He is the most peaceful when he is not around a crowd of children.

See where I am going with this?  The mother doesn't, and that worries me because I want "A" to have the best childhood he can have.  In order for that to be accomplished the mother has to enlist some the services we have in our area - their goal is to make this now just 3 year "A" kindergarten ready by 5 years old.  No one wants to hear their child is different, but isn't it our goal as parents and teachers to give them everything they need to the best of our ability to turn the toddlers into wonderful thriving adults?  Sometimes this needs to accomplished by taking the road less traveled.  The mother believes once he gets into routines of our play based nursery school he will be "like everyone else".  It's the end of March, and no routine of our day has "A" accomplished.  It's a struggle and hysteria every day.  How can I help her understand that it's not wrong to seek assistance, it's not her fault?  When ignoring it is.  

My "sad my school isn't the right fit for "A" when there are wonderful programs out there that would help and enrich this child's life - but being ignored" 5 minutes day

*the photo is from a mural at The Parson's New School of Design in New York City - I don't recall the artist

Anais Nin

Throw you 

dreams into space 

like a kite,

and you do not

know what it 

will bring back,

a new life,

a new friend,

a new love,

a new country.

           - Anais Nin

I am thinking of using this quote from the poet/author Anais Nin for my daughter's 18th birthday card. She has been accepted into, and desperately wants to attend, The Paris Collage of Art.  It's appropriate as she wants to be a fashion designer, but IS IT WHAT I WANT?!  For her to study fashion design in Paris, is the BOMB but, honestly, can I let her go?  Of course, I have to.  I don't want to.  But at the end of the day, when a future employer asks where she studied fashion - does Chicago sound stronger than Paris?

My five minutes

Going back

I've started drawing and painting again!  I find myself settling down after a long day of work and after dinner drawing animals, balloons afloat in the sky, a little red canoe - it's mesmerizing!  Wine is relaxing too, and probably helps with the process, but this is the bomb.  I am so happy!  As the mother of four, my watercolor days have been on hold for a pretty long time.  Attending the Corcoran College of Art are some of my happiest memories - after my four children of course!  I feel one step closer to getting my children's books published if I can at least convie my ideas with a simple pen and ink idea.  Publisher's  discourage you to submit book ideas with your own drawings unless you are in industry professional.  I am no Jan Brett, but I would think an inkling of what I see for the story is a good idea.  And it feels so good to get back to the creative process of making a picture!  It kinda started with my husband needing to be a part of basketball's March madness.  I have no need for this.  So drawing and sketching during my show's is ideal.  Except for Scandal - that's a full attention full glass of wine arena!

That's my five minutes.

Some books I don't get

Some books I just don't get!

I am sure Gretchen Rubin is a wonderful person - but I don't get her "Happiness Project" that landed in my book group.  She lives in a great area in New York City - no rats in her building because the door man won't let them in.  She a seemly wonderful husband and a healthy happy little girl, She has a well respected job in the publishing business that she doesn't seem to moan about when she needs to hop out of bed to go to work.Why does she need to challenge herself to be happy?!  I fell like with all of those wonderful people and things going well in her life, if she needs to challenge herself to be happy - she needs therapy.  She needs to take a bus to some other neighborhoods in NYC and take a look at some peoples struggles.  She needs to take her girl to the pond and sail a toy boat in Central Park.  We all need to have more fun - it's called saying "Yes!" to that invitation to join an outing or a cocktail party.  Nobody offering invites?  Have the invites come from you.  Boom.

I put the book back.

That's my five minutes

Whittemore Mansion in Washington DC

The Whittmore House is a historic brownstone in the Dupont Circle area of Washington DC.  It is now the home of the National Women's Democratic Club - and where I had my wedding reception many years ago!  So much fun to go back inside, my husband and stood in front of the massive fireplace and our daughter took our picture to mimic our wedding pictures.  So sweet.

Today's visit was because the School of the Art Institute of Chicago held an accepted students meet and greet today.  My daughter wants to be a fashion designer.  The staff talked of paints - all varieties, film, graphic design, sculpture, photography - everything BUT fashion design!  Not a single slide bearing a fashion sketch or garment construction.  I called them out about it.  Not that I said this, but shouldn't you know a little about the people you've invited to your party?

(Washington DC Art Council had a fund raiser which involved local artists to paint either a donkey or an elephant in a manor that reflected our city.  After the exhibit the group of painted donkey's and elephants were sold or auctioned off.  It's only fitting that one landed here at the Women's Democratic Club!)

That's my five minutes.