Be the Grown up

Be the Grown-Up

My 17 year old daughter has a friend who's parents split up and she moved across the country with her Mom.  The girl, I'll call Charlie, comes to visit her father (and her friends!) once over spring break and sometimes once over the summer.   I know the relationship between father and daughter is not good and the divorce was hard on Charlie.

My daughter asked me if Charlie could stay with us if "the sh*t hit the fan" and of course she could, thinking to myself that wouldn't happen - she's visiting for less than a week's time only.  Who let's things escalate to the point of her storming out?  Well, halfway through our quiet Easter Sunday (happy Easter everyone) my daughter comes to find me because "the sh*t hit the fan" and another friend is driving her over right now.  My poor girl!   She looked so nervous - like what do I do now?  We make a bed, set an extra plate at the dinner table and keep conversations light in the house, they can talk it over in my daughters room behind closed doors.

That poor Charlie!  So you don't agree on anything - but was the father yelling?  Saying scary things?  Was he fighting with her like he used to with Charlies mother?  No physical violence, but a spousal argument is different than one with your child.  And she is a very intelligent almost grown child, Charlie has given TED Talks!  I am guessing it would be easy to have an grown up conversation, as I have in light chat, with her.  She's impressive.  So Dad, even if she's being more of a teenager than a TED Talk guest lecturer - aren't you the grown up?  Aren't you the one Dad, to put the train back on track and slow down the speed of the out of control train?  

I have a bench in my front yard - for me.  Sometimes I have put myself in time out.  It's what a parent has to do from time to time.  I am the grown-up, I need to stay in control.  Nothing worse than saying something you can't take back.  The Dad would be wise to be the bigger person and listen to what she is saying, not how she is saying it..

My 15 minutes of worry for a father - daughter relationship