Be the Grown up

Be the Grown-Up

My 17 year old daughter has a friend who's parents split up and she moved across the country with her Mom.  The girl, I'll call Charlie, comes to visit her father (and her friends!) once over spring break and sometimes once over the summer.   I know the relationship between father and daughter is not good and the divorce was hard on Charlie.

My daughter asked me if Charlie could stay with us if "the sh*t hit the fan" and of course she could, thinking to myself that wouldn't happen - she's visiting for less than a week's time only.  Who let's things escalate to the point of her storming out?  Well, halfway through our quiet Easter Sunday (happy Easter everyone) my daughter comes to find me because "the sh*t hit the fan" and another friend is driving her over right now.  My poor girl!   She looked so nervous - like what do I do now?  We make a bed, set an extra plate at the dinner table and keep conversations light in the house, they can talk it over in my daughters room behind closed doors.

That poor Charlie!  So you don't agree on anything - but was the father yelling?  Saying scary things?  Was he fighting with her like he used to with Charlies mother?  No physical violence, but a spousal argument is different than one with your child.  And she is a very intelligent almost grown child, Charlie has given TED Talks!  I am guessing it would be easy to have an grown up conversation, as I have in light chat, with her.  She's impressive.  So Dad, even if she's being more of a teenager than a TED Talk guest lecturer - aren't you the grown up?  Aren't you the one Dad, to put the train back on track and slow down the speed of the out of control train?  

I have a bench in my front yard - for me.  Sometimes I have put myself in time out.  It's what a parent has to do from time to time.  I am the grown-up, I need to stay in control.  Nothing worse than saying something you can't take back.  The Dad would be wise to be the bigger person and listen to what she is saying, not how she is saying it..

My 15 minutes of worry for a father - daughter relationship

Easter Basket Tip

Easter Basket Tip

Putting grass in your baskets?  Don't use that plastic stuff that takes years to get completely out of you house Make your own!

Empty your shredder of your bills and credit card offers and shred several pieces of green paper!

Even if you get a couple of worded white pieces mixed in, it still looks a ton better, you won't be untangling the grass from the vacuum cleaner months from now - because paper grass is recyclable!

So you are doing the environment a favor, your wallet a favor, and your vacuum cleaner too.

Better all the way around.

Now to find the chocolate bunnies I stashed earlier this month....

scant 15 mins

Hello Spring

Welcome back, spring.  Oh how we missed you!  I love the arrival of tiny green shoots around the first blooming crocus.  The warm sun is so welcoming, but I know you are still there cold air.  I can feel you trapped in my house, I can feel you in my bones.  Even with the sudden arrival of something so warm as this little flower

the spring cool air keeps me in my sweaters.  I have noticed people craving spring - my class needing and wanting to stay outside on the playground longer

the older classes needed their turn on the playground, fair is fair - so we had an egg hunt elsewhere!  Plastic Easter eggs with stickers inside - a lot of fun!  But even more so, look at what my teenager is trying to do in her room

Grow flowers from seeds!

She bought the pots, soil, and seeds all on her own.  I hope it works for her sake - look at that longing!  My husband is a little less patient for spring

Lovely.  I don't recall anyone rushing out and trying to force winter on our home!  Once the chill of winter has arrived, I wish for snow to be sure.  I am pretty sure you won't find me or anyone wishing it to be so cold you are uncomfortable even in hats and gloves.

Welcome spring with your warm sun and cool air - and all the hopeful renewal you bring with it.

15 minutes of spring thoughts.

What I admire about Leslie

Leslie

Leslie is my former young childhood education assistant to my being the lead teacher.  When hiring in my school, we always start by trying to hire from within the school families.  This was true of Leslie as I had three of her children as a part of my 2 Day 2 class.  Her boys being twins and our school is a co-op, we spent a lot of time together!This isn't my classroom, but it does resemble it a lot

We had a lead teacher slot open up that Leslie had applied for but wasn't hired for, even though she has spent the last year getting certified.  She did land a job in another school in town so of course, she accepted and left our nursery school.   I am happy for her and we get together for coffee every few months to catch up and for me to see how her first year teaching is going - I for one took a nap every day after school my first year!  And was sick four different times with a cold or flu before the middle of October!  Leslie's health is just fine, but her twin boys have both been diagnosed with dyslexia.  I know her, she probably took this very hard at first and sure enough, she felt guilty for not catching it herself.  The boys are 7 years old - this is the age when you realize there might be a problem as they are not reading.

So what I admire about Leslie is she admits to feeling guilty, but moves on.  Not by taking a step or two, oh no - by jumping the fastest moving train she can find!  She is going to cut out one of her two classes she was teaching - leaving her two days in nursery school - and going back to school to certify her to tutor, mentor, and assist children learning to read with dyslexia.  When you give this woman a problem, she has her devastation period (wholly admits to) but then she is studying to be the best at deflating the problem!  It's not as scary if you completely understand it.  She going not going to pretend that this someone else's job or that "the boys will be just fine on their own" She is going to become the expert in the field of language disabilities.  Leslie's older daughter has some spacial relation issues - don't just walk up to this girl upon meeting her and get/give a hug, as a two year old it made her freeze and tense.  Leslie had studied what the issue was and what would help her daughter the most.  Specialized gym time. Leslie works so hard on making sure that nothing is going to hold down her kids natural talents.Let them soar, Leslie!

15 minutes of admiration

Keep Your Germs to Yourself, Please

Keep your Germs to Yourself, Please

I know how good it feels to feel better after being sick.  It's wonderful to be alive, isn't it!  Great feeling, but friends, use a little judgement!

On my little street alone, I am lucky to have 5 other neighbors who have a senior graduating from high school this year!  These 5 kids have grown up together, and this is our last hurrah from the days when we used to have neighborhood pizza/cocktail parties.   So the parent(s) of these 5 got together last night for a planning party - we are going to have a block graduation party!  One parent brought BBQ for us to sample as that is what he is suggesting gets catered for the party.  Fine, several flavors and several salads, biscuits and cornbread.  It was one parents birthday so a cake arrived, I brought the wine.  Good times.  Three out of seven of us were sick!?   One of the parents missed worked for a week and half - I have never known her to miss work - she must have been really, really sick.  What are you doing here?   I would have been happy to postpone - graduation isn't until June.  It's March.  The coughing that was going on was louder than a car horn!    People repeatedly asked the hostess how she was feeling - she looked ill.  Her husband and I drank the wine and everyone else nursed cups of tea.  The planning worked out, I brought home a lot of leftovers from the BBQ joint that Doug suggested for my BBQ loving husband.  I swallowed vitamin C while he ate.  Like I said, feeling a bit better after being down and out for almost 2 weeks, I get it.  But I don't want to get it.   I was ready to down my wine and head home to my vitamin C after the birthday girl didn't want to blow out her candles so not to spread her germs over the food

She used her hand to blow out the flames.  Cake everyone?  I'll pass, thanks.

15 minutes of love to share the memories, but keep your ills at home.

The Land of Indecision

The Land of Indecision 

My daughter has been accepted into a college in Paris to study fashion design.  Great, so why am I waffling on this now?  My husband and I took to to Paris to visit the school, among others, so I knew I had already said yes to this, yet here I am holding back.

It's the land of indecision.  A place where you waddle around, not sure of what to do, when you really knew what to do all the time.  I found this place a long time ago when my mother suffered a stroke.  Although her cognitive abilities were just as sharp as ever, she lost a great deal of her speech, and most important, she lost the ability to swallow.  Due to my close location to hers I am in charge of her living will - where she has clearly stated 'do not resuscitate or hold on to her life by any artificial means'.  No feeding tube.  My siblings were not happy about this, and I was put in the position of being asked "so you are just going to let her die?"

I volunteered to drive my son's carpool both directions so I could sit by myself on the far end of a baseball field, and think.  Just before some rain clouds showed up, a dad came to pick up early.  He told me about a friend of his who at a young age developed cancer resulting in a stomach tube.  His friend hated the thing, even though it kept him alive, and one day had enough, yanked it out and died.  I thanked Bill for his story and how did he know to share that with me?  He had heard.  The rain clouds started to open up so Matthew and his teammate ran for the car and we started to drive home.  Matthew asked me about the Land of Indecision, you know he said, the one from that book his sister loves so much.  "The Phantom Tollbooth"  Yes, he said - but what does the Land of Indecision mean.  I said, "It's where you are stuck so you dwell and ponder about something you have to decided one way or another on - and you really know the right answer all along"  No lie - the minute I said that, the very second the fog cleared from my mind, the clouds parted and the beautiful setting springtime sun shone through!  It was magical.

When we got home I quickly asked my daughter for the "The Phantom Tollbooth" book and as she handed it over as I asked her about "The Land of Indecision" chapter.  She said there wasn't a "land of indecision" chapter and showed me the map in the front of the book of all the existing lands and areas in the book.  "Matthew!"  I called, and asked him what he was talking about in the car.  He said in a bored manner "I don't know, I guess I made it up or saw something on TV" and walked away.  Whoa.  I had a magical nudge or shove in the right direction.  

My siblings could get lawyers and court dates if they wanted, but my mother had an iron clad living will defending her wish to die.  Because she was still so present, I asked her if she wanted a stomach tube to prolong her life, she shook her head no.  Then she proceeded to give me accurate directions to the Hospice the doctor was directing us to!

And today's decision is, if you want to study fashion design, is it better to study in Chicago or Paris?

My fifteen minutes from the Land of Indecision.

Peoples Creative Impulses

Happy Hour!

My husband and I went out to a happy hour at a wonderful fish market restaurant "Black Salt" on MacArthur Blvd., in Washington, DC.  Martini's and oysters!  A great break in the middle of the week not to mention, Jeff Black's restaurants in this area are legendary.  What I love about this particular location is that the the restaurant front is really a fish market!  On your way to the bar/restaurant you pass fresh fish on ice that you can purchase to take home for a home cooked meal.  Lovely and so fresh!  On this particular occasion is that the fish monger had a little fun.  A large red snapper was on display not only because he is beautiful, but the fish man will clean it up for you if you want the whole fish.  But last night the fish man had put a smaller fish in the mouth of the snapper!  So cute, funny, and - quite true!  This little piece of creative Wimsey I think is in all of us - and I love to see it come out!  It was also reminder to me that even to a what seems to be a simple happy hour to alleviate a hard work week for me - always bring my camera a long!  So, I've penned a image of what I saw.  It doesn't do the actual image justice, but I love to draw - if your creative output makes you smile, why not?!

My fifteen celebrating the everyday creative.